"The federal government announced today that the recession ended back in November of 2001. It ended two years ago! Be sure to pass that on to all your unemployed friends. So you know what that means? The past twenty months of job layoffs, corporate bankruptcies and declining stocks, those were the good times. We should have been living it up." —Jay Leno
President Bush unveiled his new economic stimulus plan this week. It was reported that if the plan passes, the president himself would save $44,000 in taxes, Dick Cheney would save $327,000, and you could afford to take the whole family down to Burger King to pick up job applications." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"According to a new study, bad economic times can actually be good for you because people tend to exercise more and eat better. This is not a recession, this is the Bush Health Care Plan." —Jay Leno
"How much do you think Senators make? They now make $154,700 a year. But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community." —Jay Leno, on Congress voting itself a pay raise
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