On Terror

"The FBI has issued a new terrorist warning that al Qadea may be planning a spectacular attack intended to damage our economy. Well I have news for them, they are a little too late. This is where President Bush is smart. Two years ago he did a pre-emptive strike to make sure our economy couldn't be any worse than it is right now." —Jay Leno

"These days it's good to know we still have friends in the Middle East, friends like Saudi Arabia. That's right where, may I remind you, four of the 19 September 11th hijackers were not from." —Jon Stewart

"I read something interesting today about President Bush. Did you know on his desk, in the Oval Office, he keeps a paper with the pictures of the most al Qaeda members on it and whenever we capture or kill one of them, he crosses them out? Clinton used to do the same thing with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Whenever he'd nail one of them, he'd put a line through them." —Jay Leno